Sunday, August 01, 2004

What Love Can Do

Last friday, I was feeling really bad. I guess you could say it was one of those cases of taking one's body too far. That I could nearly kill myself for work that not only pays low, is largely unappreciated and you end up maligned for the slightest mistake is beyond me. But that's a story for another time. I will not darken my joy any further by dwelling on such nonesense.

But, well... I should still be bedridden yesterday (because it's Sunday now, Manila time, although I just came from Charm's birthday party). Muscle pain, especially of that variety, cannot be easily healed as muscles and joints that were badly abused need time to recover. And both my constitution and my healing ability have not been up to par for a very long time now.

So maybe that's why I was just so... toxic (to borrow a UP term) last Friday. Because there was something very important happening on Saturday: the surprise party for Charm's 18th birthday. What if my condition prevented me from getting to Charm's party? What if I can't even stand? With the slightest movement, my arms felt pain, and my legs were rather wobbly already when I went to sleep. Heck, I could barely keep awake, my sense of balance becoming unreliable by the minute. My whole system was collapsing before me. Yet all I could think of was... what would my Baby B say if I wasn't there?

I remember thinking before falling to sleep: isn't this what my Training was for? Aren't the healing abilities of a Knight capable of handling much worse damage than this? I could do this. I could manage to stand tomorrow. And even if I can't walk I will find a way to get to Charm's birthday.

Well, thank God I was able to stand and walk and function rather nominally. Nauseaous and I have a rather bothersome headache, plus a very strained patience, but I manage to get through the day in one piece. I was late getting to Charm's party - UCSC session lasted far longer than expected - but... well.

I remember this day... I forgot to text Charm after - silly and stupid me - but... I was having a really bad day then. I think I called my BB when it just got too much. All I remember was walking with a smile on my face after that phonecall. I've never done that in a long while.

But, see: that's what Charm does, why she means so much to me. So much, that I was able to force my body to heal itself enough to make it through to her. I think I'm going to get bio-psionic karma from forcing it, but... what the hell, right? It was for Charm, for my BB, the one person right now who is a Keeper of one of the Keys to my Soul. The person who, without the slightest bit of hesitation, offered me her wings so I can fly again. I told her I am not worthy of such beauty, her Soul's wings of silver light, but she just smiled, then gave me a faux-pout for being so pigheaded, and gave them to me anyway.

I also remember this "discussion" she and I had over cookies. She said something about giving up her last cookie for me (it was a Cookie Monster text, I think), and I said something about my not daring to eat it and having it kept in storage, or maybe even framed. Charm answered that maybe I should just give the cookie away than seeing it crumble through time. "You have me by your side, anyway," Charm added, "your own personal angel to take care of you."

There was a time, after the UCSC's 10th Congress, that I felt really down. Starting from the trip back to Manila, until some months later. My depression only started subsiding after Charm and I started becoming close. I had given up on my Soul by then, but Charm insisted on finding it.

Not only did she find it... she made it fly again.

Nothing would have prevented me from being with my BB on that very special day. Not the Party (and, God's Sacred Light, most definitely not the Party), not the Republic... and certainly not some stupid condition.

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